My Ash Wednesday Psalm

Cracked wall with plants

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ashen gray the sheet of waterless clouds hanging low overhead.

Ashen gray the veil of bitter numbness shrouding my heart.

And so Lent begins.

I am detached from myself this Ash Wednesday.

Wanting.   Desperately wanting a spark of the Divine to melt the walls of my self-imprisonment.

Weary.  Burdened and weary as I join my Savior in our determined walk to Jerusalem.

The cross – cruel instrument of torture and death – this is our destination.

I shudder.

My steps slow.

Can I really follow this path?  Am I really ready to die?

This is not what I want.

Everything within me screams – “Turn around!  Run away as fast as you can!

 There is too much pain ahead.

Protect yourself.  Insulate yourself in a veil of ashen bitterness.”

 

Yet deeper than my fear there is faith.

Deeper than my loathing of pain, there is hope that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

You alone are my God.  Above you there is no other.

Though I cannot see you clearly this Ash Wednesday, the eyes of my heart recognize your familiar form.

And so I reach out and take your hand.

Be the strength of my life today and help me not shrink back.

Lead me to the cross.

Dear friends,

I love how David wrote Psalms that expressed every human emotion.  He was real with God.  He lamented, he praised, he questions, he worshiped.  He didn’t try to “protect” God from his feelings – as if that were even possible.  I felt led to write my own Psalm this morning, expressing my feelings to God on this Ash Wednesday, but also reaffirming my desire to follow.  I’d encourage you to try writing your own Psalm to God.  It doesn’t have to be pretty.  It just needs to be real.  And if you would be willing to share all or part of it below in the comments, it would be a true blessing to me and others.

May God help us all follow him to the cross.

Shalom!

Linda


6 Comments

  1. Linda, I appreciate and respect your vulnerability. Thank you. Perhaps when I make time to be still (hopefully today) I will KNOW… and I will write to Him my own outcry. Thank you for encouraging me to do so this Ash Wednesday.
    With love,
    Holly

    • Linda Sommerville

      Thanks, Holly. In all honesty, this past year I’ve been feeling too vulnerable and stressed to blog. But God has been slowly restoring me in the past couple of months and I felt His gentle nudge to get back to blogging as a spiritual discipline during the season of Lent. We’ll see what comes of it.

      I pray God gives you time (even today 🙂 to be still and hear his voice. Love to you!
      Linda

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